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Some things you probably didn’t want to know: my thoughts on waitressing

Have you ever thought about what your waiter or waitress might be thinking about when you go into a restaurant to get food?

Well, I’m here to give you an answer.  I work part-time as a waitress at a Thai restaurant in downtown Urbana, and let me tell you:  waitressing in the summer in a college town that normally has an additional population of 40,000 students during the school year but which suddenly disappears for 4 months out of the year during the summer can be  reaaalllyyyy boooooooorrrrrinnnnnngggggg.  Hence why I feel qualified to write this piece; while I work hard when it’s busy and business is thriving, I work equally as hard to maintain my sanity when it’s dead and boring.  So, here we are.

  1. Sorry.  But “sweet and sour chicken” is in no way Thai.  Or Chinese.  Or anything.  Yet you seem to think you’re better than the rest of the world because you’re eating “ethnic” food.  Just no.
  2. Vegetarians are pansies.  I respect your decision to not eat meat, but really.  Some of this stuff should not be eaten with just tofu.  You’re missing out on so much.
  3. If you ask for too many things a certain way, you may as well have just made it yourself, because it’s not even a recognizable dish at this restaurant anymore.
  4. What is with your horrible tipping habits?!  That’s right, I’m talking to you – Asians/Indians/college students.  You are all absolutely abysmal.
  5. SPEAKING of abysmal habits, why do you always find the need to round to the next whole number when tipping?  Like can’t a simple “$3.00” suffice?  Why does it have to be “$2.57”?  Does your bill really need to cost “$13.00” even?
  6. NO WE DO NOT HAVE FORTUNE COOKIES.  THIS IS A THAI RESTAURANT.
  7. Stop eating your sushi with a fork.
  8. When someone asks for a knife, I realize that they clearly do not know how to eat Thai food the proper way (with a fork and spoon).
  9. When someone is eating stir fry and asks for chopsticks, I also assume the same thing (you really should only use chopsticks for noodles).
  10. On that note, you really don’t need chopsticks to eat your house salad.  Just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
  11. Don’t try to talk to any of the kitchen staff in any other language unless you know for a fact what language they speak.  Because chances are, they aren’t the ethnicity you think they are.
  12. In terms of tipping… 20% is the new 18%.  And 18% is the new 15%.  And 15% is the new 10%.  So basically, tipping only 15% is kinda sorta rude.  And any less than that is basically a slap in the face.  Get it together, people.
  13. As a server, I have a responsibility to you to provide the best service I can.  But as a customer, you ALSO have the responsibility to work with me.  I’m not really asking for much when I say “work with me”.  By that, I mean that you should probably respond even mildly cordially to me when I ask how you are doing today and if you’d like anything to drink other than water.  Don’t just stare at the person across from you as if you’ve never talked to a human being before!  JUST ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION.
  14. Going off from that, it’s not really a big deal to me WHEN you eat, but it’s kinda nice when you decide on something to eat BEFORE you decide to go into a 3 hour long conversation about your mother’s health or your yoga class last week or the really cute new guy at work.  The fact that you’ve been sitting at the table for 30 minutes and you STILL don’t know what you want is just annoying.
  15. If you can’t afford to tip, then you really can’t afford to eat out at all.  Go home.
  16. Everyone sucks at math.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been jipped $3-4 because someone doesn’t add correctly.  Sigh.  Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.

That’s all for now.  More to come, as I continue to ponder the reasons of life at my unbelievably slow-paced job…………. sigh……..

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